Just wanted to say if I die today, it wasn’t the years of abusing tobacco, alcohol and drugs. It was that fucking burrito I just ate.
Random fact: Pretty Maids All in a Row by The Eagles is one of the prettiest songs of all time.
If by “phone it in” you mean “spend the day sleeping pantsless under my desk” then yeah, I’d agree. I should have “phoned it in” today.
For the life of me, I just can’t figure out *why* they call it “stoned” cuz…that would indicate pain, right? #greatmysteriesoflife
Merry Christmas, everybody! I’m drunk! Woo! … No, seriously. Happy Halloween. I’m just at work AT 3:30INTHEMORNINGOMGKILLMEIAMDELIRIOUS
2am, Saturday morning. I’m still at work. Oh, look! That was my sanity walking out the front door. Hmm. *drools*
If today were Halloween, I’d be going as one tired sumbitch. Fortunately, it’s tomorrow and I can go as one tired, drunk sumbitch.
It’s 12:45am Friday, and I am still at work. I can already tell that this day is gonna be as fun as one of these. http://gdzl.la/7bzTRU
Today is a Swell Season kinda day. I normally only like saying funny stuff and that isn’t funny. But, still. … Balls. There. Better.
You know what’s sexy? Trader Joe’s pumpkin muffins. That’s what. I mean, I’m talkin’, daaaamn sexy.
Southern California, where the hell is your normal temperature AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT?!
Aaand the Best Album Title of the Year award goes to Tori Amos for “Abnormally Attracted To Sin”. That is an album I can really get behind.
Whenever a doctor wants to do xrays on me, I always tell them it’s unnecessary, yet somehow, they end up seeing right through me.
